Ink caricature: Bud Abbott, tall in a double-breasted suit, explains at a ribbon microphone while Lou Costello, short and round in a small hat, holds up a baseball and looks baffled.

Bud Abbott & Lou Costello

in their baseball sketch

Who’s on First?

On the Air
0:00 / 6:11

The Line-up, as Mr. Abbott Gives It

The Who’s on First line-up on a baseball diamond First base, Who. Second base, What. Third base, I Don’t Know. Shortstop, I Don’t Give a Darn. Pitcher, Tomorrow. Catcher, Today. Left field, Why. Center field, Because. Right field is never named. Because Why Never named What I Don’t Givea Darn I Don’t Know Who Tomorrow Today

A player turns red when his name is spoken and gold when only his position is. Hover over a player for his card.Tap a player, or swipe the cards below, for his card. Outfield drawn short so the whole park fits.

The Players, in Scorer’s Order

  1. 1
    PitcherTomorrow

    Sounds like a when, not a who.

  2. 2
    CatcherToday

    Another when.

  3. 3
    First baseWho

    Sounds like a question. It is the answer.

  4. 4
    Second baseWhat

    Same trouble, one base over.

  5. 5
    Third baseI Don’t Know

    Mr. Costello’s own answer. Also the third baseman.

  1. 6
    ShortstopI Don’t Give a Darn

    His last outburst, and the last name revealed. In The Naughty Nineties (1945) it is “I Don’t Care.”

  2. 7
    Left fieldWhy

    One more question.

  3. 8
    Center fieldBecause

    Sounds like the answer to Why. It is the center fielder.

  4. 9
    Right fieldNever named

    The routine never gets to right field. A 1978 board game reportedly filled the spot with Nobody.

Scorer’s note 6-4-3

A routine double play goes I Don’t Give a Darn to What to Who.

On the Air

Hear the Routine

The routine as Abbott and Costello played it in The Naughty Nineties (1945), recorded fresh for this page as a radio broadcast: an organ open, an announcer, a studio audience and two players crowding each other’s lines. The film’s sight gags, the bat and the hat, are cut for radio.

Play it from the top of the page; the player stays put as you scroll. The script, the program notes and tonight’s cast are at the bottom of the page. A new recording with AI voices, not Abbott and Costello.

First heard nationally on The Kate Smith Hour, Thursday, March 24, 1938.

A spec project by Ridpath Creative, presented for demonstration and educational purposes only. About this project. Not affiliated with or endorsed by the estates of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, Universal Pictures or HISTORY.

The caricature, the voices and the studio audience are AI-generated. The recording is a new performance adapted from the 1945 film version of the routine; no original recordings are used. The organ is synthesized and plays Take Me Out to the Ball Game (1908).

Sources: Kieran Mulvaney, “How ‘Who’s on First?’ Became a Classic Comedy Routine,” HISTORY, October 15, 2026; Library of Congress, National Recording Registry; National Baseball Hall of Fame, “Who’s on First?”; Time, “The Best of the Century”; AFI’s 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes.

Tonight’s Cast

Announcer
Custom AI voice
Mr. Abbott’s part
Custom AI voice
Mr. Costello’s part
Custom AI voice
Studio audience
AI-generated
Organ
Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Running time
6 min 11 s

Program Notes

  1. 1936

    Tried out on Costello’s cousin at the family home in Paterson, N.J. He doesn’t think it will fly.

  2. 1938

    National radio debut on The Kate Smith Hour, March 24. The team called it simply “Baseball.” The switchboard lit up.

  3. 1940

    A shortened version goes into their first picture, One Night in the Tropics.

  4. 1945

    The Naughty Nineties, the version many consider definitive.

  5. 1956

    A gold record of the routine is presented to the Baseball Hall of Fame, where a clip from the film still plays on a loop.

  6. 1999

    Time names it the best comedy routine of the century.

  7. 2002

    The earliest surviving broadcast, from October 6, 1938, enters the National Recording Registry.

  8. 2005

    “Who’s on first?” makes AFI’s list of the 100 most memorable movie quotes, at No. 91.

  9. 2007

    Dodgers infielder Chin-lung Hu reaches first, and Vin Scully finally gets to say “Hu is on first.”

The Script

Follows the broadcast as it plays. Tap or click any line to jump there.

  1. AnnouncerGood evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ballpark of the air! Tonight our studio players step up to the plate with the famous baseball routine of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. One of them knows the St. Louis line-up. The other is crazy about baseball. Play ball!
  2. CostelloYou know I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys’ names on the team, so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ballpark, I’ll be able to know those fellas?
  3. AbbottAll right. I’ll tell you their names. But you know, strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.
  4. CostelloFunny names?
  5. AbbottNicknames. Pet names.
  6. AbbottNow, on the St. Louis team we have Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…
  7. CostelloThat’s what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellas on the St. Louis team.
  8. AbbottI’m telling you. Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…
  9. CostelloYou know the fellas’ names?
  10. AbbottYes.
  11. CostelloWell, then who’s playing first?
  12. AbbottYes.
  13. CostelloI mean the fella’s name on first base.
  14. AbbottWho.
  15. CostelloThe fella playin’ first base for St. Louis.
  16. AbbottWho.
  17. CostelloThe guy on first base.
  18. AbbottWho is on first.
  19. CostelloWell, what are you askin’ me for?
  20. AbbottI’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Who is on first.
  21. CostelloI’m asking you! Who’s on first?
  22. AbbottThat’s the man’s name.
  23. CostelloThat’s whose name?
  24. AbbottYes.
  25. CostelloWell, go ahead and tell me.
  26. AbbottWho.
  27. CostelloThe guy on first.
  28. AbbottWho.
  29. CostelloThe first baseman.
  30. AbbottWho is on first.
  31. CostelloHave you got a first baseman on first?
  32. AbbottCertainly.
  33. CostelloThen who’s playing first?
  34. AbbottAbsolutely.
  35. CostelloWhen you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
  36. AbbottEvery dollar of it. Why not? The man’s entitled to it.
  37. CostelloWho is?
  38. AbbottYes.
  39. CostelloSo who gets it?
  40. AbbottWhy shouldn’t he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
  41. CostelloWhose wife?
  42. AbbottYes.
  43. CostelloWell, all I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base?
  44. AbbottNo. What is on second base.
  45. CostelloI’m not asking you who’s on second.
  46. AbbottWho’s on first.
  47. CostelloThat’s what I’m trying to find out!
  48. AbbottWell, don’t change the players around.
  49. CostelloI’m not changing nobody!
  50. AbbottTake it easy, buddy.
  51. CostelloWhat’s the guy’s name on first base?
  52. AbbottWhat’s the guy’s name on second base.
  53. CostelloI’m not asking you who’s on second.
  54. AbbottWho’s on first.
  55. CostelloI don’t know.
  56. AbbottHe’s on third, we’re not talking about him.
  57. CostelloHow did I get on third base?
  58. AbbottYou mentioned his name.
  59. CostelloIf I mentioned the third baseman’s name, who did I say is playing third?
  60. AbbottNo. Who’s playing first.
  61. CostelloStay off of first, will you?
  62. AbbottWell, what do you want me to do?
  63. CostelloNow, what’s the guy’s name on third base?
  64. AbbottWhat’s on second.
  65. CostelloI’m not asking you who’s on second.
  66. AbbottWho’s on first.
  67. CostelloI don’t know.
  68. AbbottHe’s on third.
  69. CostelloThere I go, back on third again!
  70. CostelloWill you please stay on third base, Mr. Broadhurst?
  71. AbbottNow, what is it you want to know?
  72. CostelloWhat is the fella’s name on third base?
  73. AbbottWhat is the fella’s name on second base.
  74. CostelloI’m not asking you who’s on second.
  75. AbbottWho’s on first.
  76. CostelloI don’t know.
  77. BothThird base!
  78. CostelloYou got an outfield?
  79. AbbottOh, sure. St. Louis has got a good outfield. Absolutely.
  80. CostelloThe left fielder’s name?
  81. AbbottWhy.
  82. CostelloI don’t know, I just thought I’d ask you.
  83. AbbottWell, I just thought I’d tell you.
  84. CostelloThen tell me who’s playing left field.
  85. AbbottWho’s playing first.
  86. CostelloStay out of the infield! I want to know what’s the fella’s name in left field.
  87. AbbottWhat is on second.
  88. CostelloI’m not asking you who’s on second.
  89. AbbottWho is on first.
  90. CostelloI don’t know.
  91. BothThird base!
  92. CostelloAnd the left fielder’s name?
  93. AbbottWhy.
  94. CostelloBecause!
  95. AbbottOh, he’s center field.
  96. CostelloLook, Mr. Broadhurst. Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?
  97. AbbottWouldn’t this be a fine team without a pitcher?
  98. CostelloI don’t know. Tell me the pitcher’s name.
  99. AbbottTomorrow.
  100. CostelloYou don’t want to tell me today?
  101. AbbottI’m telling you, man.
  102. CostelloThen go ahead.
  103. AbbottTomorrow.
  104. CostelloWhat time?
  105. AbbottWhat time what?
  106. CostelloWhat time tomorrow you gonna tell me who’s pitching?
  107. AbbottNow listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on…
  108. CostelloI’ll break your arm if you say who’s on first! I come up here and ask, I want to know what’s the pitcher’s name!
  109. AbbottWhat’s on second.
  110. CostelloI don’t know.
  111. CostelloYou got a catcher?
  112. AbbottYes.
  113. CostelloThe catcher’s name?
  114. AbbottToday.
  115. CostelloToday. And Tomorrow’s pitching.
  116. AbbottNow you’ve got it.
  117. CostelloThat’s all. St. Louis has got a couple of days on the team.
  118. CostelloLook, I’m a good catcher too, you know.
  119. AbbottI know that.
  120. CostelloI would like to catch. Now, I’m being a good catcher. Tomorrow’s pitching on the team, and I’m catching.
  121. CostelloTomorrow throws the ball, and the guy up bunts the ball.
  122. CostelloNow, when he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I want to throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
  123. AbbottNow, that’s the first thing you’ve said right!
  124. CostelloI don’t even know what I’m talking about!
  125. AbbottWell, that’s all you have to do, is throw it to first base.
  126. CostelloNow who’s got it?
  127. AbbottNaturally.
  128. CostelloWho has it?
  129. AbbottNaturally.
  130. CostelloNaturally?
  131. AbbottNaturally.
  132. CostelloOkay.
  133. AbbottNow you’ve got it.
  134. CostelloI pick up the ball, and I throw it to Naturally.
  135. AbbottNo, you don’t! You throw the ball to first base.
  136. CostelloThen who gets it?
  137. AbbottNaturally.
  138. CostelloOkay. All right. I throw the ball to Naturally.
  139. AbbottYou throw it to Who!
  140. CostelloNaturally.
  141. AbbottWell, that’s it. Say it that way.
  142. CostelloThat’s what I said.
  143. AbbottYou did not!
  144. CostelloSo I throw the ball to first base, and Naturally gets it.
  145. AbbottNo! You throw the ball to first base, then Who gets it!
  146. CostelloNaturally. That’s what I’m saying.
  147. AbbottYou’re not saying that!
  148. AbbottExcuse me, folks.
  149. CostelloI throw the ball to Naturally!
  150. AbbottYou throw it to Who!
  151. CostelloNaturally.
  152. AbbottWell, say it that way!
  153. CostelloThat’s what I’m saying!
  154. AbbottNow, don’t get excited. Don’t get…
  155. CostelloNow I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow. A triple play!
  156. AbbottYeah, it could be.
  157. CostelloAnother guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because! Why? I don’t know! He’s on third, and I don’t care!
  158. AbbottWhat was that?
  159. CostelloI said, I don’t care!
  160. AbbottOh, that’s our shortstop.
  161. AnnouncerAnd that’s the ball game, folks! Who’s on first? Don’t ask. Good night, everybody!